Saturday, July 14, 2012
By Michael Day
Dear Kind Master of Educationialism,
If I may, spare a moment of your endowment coddling time.
I am a spitfire intellectual breathing the dreams of dignified discourse. I mock
your halls in modest respect and will dance from head to head on your uselessly
irrelevant stone representations of dead history. Flaunting obscure tastes in
reprehensible forms of non-elitist film and theater, I plan to spoil the minds of young
With passionate gusto I will rip the symbols of ensemble imperialism from your
student’s polo’s and burn them with the retinas of the less clothed. Slamming brain
coughs against stories of gifted degrees and family exchanged property, I will glowingly
fascinate the student body with my ghetto fabulous tales, sparing no details for the
bubbled students. I will hang from your storied flag and blast the ear confections that
your benefactors loathe more than other benefactors.
Stoically, I will storm the student council and electrify the legislative bodies with
cries for civility for the enthusiasts collective. Have they no place? No voice? What is
this? This malicious mockery of the legislative process. A call for the creation of a Green
Republican Communist Theocracy will resound throughout the halls of frivolous golf
Please, kind sir, consider me for admission to the School of Disenchanted Elitist
School Applicants for a lofty pursuit of a Master’s in Debauchery.
This is what I can bring to you King Squire of Intellect.